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March 6, 2011 · 8:12 pm

Charlie Sheen, the true Wizard of Id

I’ve never had a Charlie Sheen moment. It’s disgraceful.

Charlie Sheen in Ferris Bueller

My favorite Charlie moment: As a stoner in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"

But really, I’ve never been so full of confidence, so monumentally convinced of my perfection, and it’s just sad. If Tiger Blood was really what’s doing it, I’d say “Let’s go get some,” but I love tigers and don’t want to see their blood being savagely removed from their bodies. Of course, they’d probably rip our faces off if we came within 20 yards of them with a syringe.

Now THAT would be a funny sitcom moment.

While part of me thinks this whole Sheen fiasco is an act, I also see a man running totally on Id, or as About.com defines, “The personality component made up of unconscious psychic energy that works to satisfy basic urges, needs, and desires. The id operates based on the pleasure principle, which demands immediate gratification of needs.”

Sounds about right, eh?

I know this is going to surprise some of you, but prepare yourselves: The Garish Chicken isn’t as pure as dewy children’s tears. I’ve seen my share of train wrecks, and been a partial one a few times. I’ve had close friends whose lives have spiraled out of control, one in particular. She abused drugs for years, and when she got “clean” (I use quotes because I’ll never know if she really truly was clean) she became erratic and unbelievably Id-dy. It was all about her. She’s always had a mean streak, but it got meaner and more prevalent. She became a nuisance. She was out of control. She eventually started using drugs again, maybe not to the level she had, and she was intolerable. We are no longer friends.

Charlie Sheen will lose a lot of friends over his Id addiction, and if he is truly clean, I suspect he’s going through what this former friend went through.

I really do hope he doesn’t completely lose custody of his children, and I hope a great majority of this behavior is just a cry for attention or need for publicity. Maybe it’s a talented agent’s ploy to get his client in the spotlight. Maybe it’s a Joaquin Phoenix-esque plot for a documentary. Who knows?

All I know is, I am ready to hear about somebody else, someone who’s fully using all three parts of their personality.  And really, if you’re going to use an animal-based product, shouldn’t it always be Sex Panther?

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February 13, 2011 · 8:19 pm

Keep the change, ya filthy animal (The Top 5 Movies I Always Watch)

Happy Sunday. It’s bright and sunny in Oklahoma, I got up and went to church this morning, and drove home with the windows down, even though snow drifts the size of mountain goats still adorn every square inch of Oklahoma soil.

We’ve reached that hideously ugly part of a blizzard, when the snow is grayish-brown and heaped into unnatural peaks. Regardless, I drove around after church, going nowhere, just driving, with the windows down.

I’ve been listening to this U2 collection I put together a few months ago. It’s basically all of “The Joshua Tree” and bits from all the other albums. “A Celebration” is a song I’m particularly fond of right now, and it’s not the easiest to find. I cabbaged onto a rare version of the “October” expanded edition, and “A Celebration” is among the B-sides or demo songs.

The song contains a lyrics, “I believe in the Third World War, I believe in the atomic bomb/I believe in the powers that be, but they won’t overpower me.” Bono, as usual, was being defiant in the face of war, something I’ve admired about him since the band first came around. People took it the wrong way, like Bono was pro-war or something, and he yanked it off the final copy. It’s a shame, really, because it’s a fun, upbeat, positive, spirit-filled song.

Isn't he cute? This is before "Party Monster," of course.

This wasn’t going to be a blog about U2, more about the end of the winter weather epidemic… and how I felt trapped in my home last weekend, unable to go anywhere, and all I wanted to do was leave. This weekend, I’m home, and I’m not in a hurry to go anywhere. I’m watching “Home Alone” for the 367th time. Or at least it seems that way. I end up watching it every time it’s on, regardless of where it’s started. When I got home from church, it had just started, so here I sit, watching MacAuley Culkin at his cutest. Love that scene where he scares the pizza boy with the movie scene. Turns out it’s a fake movie, I learned today, made just for “Home Alone.”

I do watch “Home Alone” every time it’s on, and it’s probably No. 6 in my Top 5 “Always Watch” list. Here are the rest:

1. Shawshank Redemption. I seriously will watch this every time it’s on. Recently, I even recorded it so I could watch the whole thing. One of my favorite movies, and always entertaining.

2. Forrest Gump. This probably is my favorite movie of all time, since it stars the actress who reminds me of my mom (Sally Field) and the actor who reminds me of my dad (Tom Hanks.) And it’s a great story, and me and my BFF Renae can quote it start-to-finish.

3. Parenthood. I love Steve Martin like I love no other. I can find a Steve Martin quote for everything. And he’s great in this movie, as are Rick Moranis, Martha Plimpton, Jason Robards and Dianne Weist. Even Keanu was good in it.

4. Raising Arizona. “Mind you don’t cut yourself, Mordechi!” is just one of the thousand lines of quotable material in this far-superior-to-most comedy. I will always love this movie, and I still see it as unpredictable, though I’ve seen it 157 times.

5. Schindler’s List. I said after I watched it the first time that I’d never watch it again. I’ve seen it about 20 times since. I almost can’t stomach it — I’m a bit of a holocaust buff, as sad as that sounds — but it’s such an inspiring, amazing story. It took me a few times to fully grasp everything that was going on, too. Once you get past the initial shock and tragedy of the events of the time, you can really see how it happened. Amazing stuff.

What are some movies you watch over and over, regardless of the fact that you know them by heart?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a couch to lie on. And laundry to do. And beans and cornbread to make.

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