Tag Archives: commercials

Total recall, or Sarah and the Jingle Bits

Since I have a known mental defect: my brain is a constant jukebox of sound clips, commercials and annoying songs, I sometimes don’t even slow down enough to notice that it’s happening. It’s like a tic, really, and I often say that it’s probably Tourette’s or OCD and nothing I can control. The above video is a clip from Nickelodeon that I often get embedded in my skull. I also constantly hum other old commercials, cartoon intros, Wham! songs and that effing Miley Cyrus song “Party in the USA.”

I like this tic, though, and hope it never goes away. I do wish I remembered regular stuff, like math, but I guess it’s cool to have total recall of every commercial jingle ever made and also every pop song since 1964. I guess it’s cool that I listen to really cool music like Social Distortion or the Modern Lovers in the morning and have the theme from “Gummi Bears” in my head instead. I guess that’s just AWESOME.

It does get kind of old remembering stuff that no one else does. So when I find someone who remembers some useless little bit of an old commercial or something, I latch onto that person and constantly hound them about it. “Hey, remember that Toyota commercial from 1986? Isn’t that funny that we both remember that! Ha! Hahaha, even!”

And then that person either laughs with me (like a true friend) or looks at me with sadness in their eyes and a fake smile curling up their lips. I know then that that person isn’t special like me. Or that that person has a life, which I don’t have.

Case in point: My old roommate, the gay husband, remembered every jingle from his childhood growing up in Indiana, as well as a bevy of national favorites. I thought this was fantastic, and we would spend long, drunken hours singing them at the top of our lungs to no one in particular. No wonder it took him such a long time to find a man to marry; he was always hanging out with his crazy friendgirls who sang Mazda commercials with him.

Texans, especially Dallas-area Texans, have a firm hold of the commercials of the 1980s, mostly because they were incredibly annoying and catchy: Westway Ford, Trophy Nissan, Dalworth carpeting… I spent my summers in Tarrant County since I was 6, so I know Texas commercials. My youngest sister, The Saint, often sends me texts containing only jingle bits. (Note: I want to name a band “Sarah and the Jingle Bits,” and maybe we’ll perform all these old commercials. That is more rad than Tad. OOOH, now I want to name a band “More Rad than Tad”! I’m on a roll!)

I recently learned that some of my interesting little quirks might be considered “psychologically abnormal,” thanks to Allie Brosh’s blog here about synesthesia from my favorite blog of all time, Hyperbole and a Half. For instance, my feeling sorry for the unmated sock might not be normal. Like, all of you don’t feel sorry for the sock with no mate or the bleach-stained shirt that never got to go to the party it was destined for.

That blog entry (and the blog itself) has changed my life, and made me realize that maybe I can get on disability and never have to work again! HOORAY!

But probably not, since I’m also a workaholic and need lots of money to buy cable so more commercials will lodge themselves in my brain. It’s a twisted life. I love it.

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Filed under Brain Disorders, Childhood, General Nonsense, Music

Yes, I missed “That Game”

My Neighbor's Prius

If you look closely, you'll see a Prius buried in the snow. You Yankees may be used to this, but us Okies thinks it's the End Times! And can certainly make you not care about the Super Bowl.

I’m a big-time sports girl, always have been. But it was made worse when I spent five years as a sports copy editor for the Tulsa newspaper. Don’t know if y’all know this, but football’s kind of a big deal ’round these parts.

Anyway, I missed the Super Bowl. My ex-gay husband (he’s still gay, but now married to another gay guy and no longer living with me, as that would be weird… and we were never really married, but I digress) and I were on the phone today and he asked me what I thought about the game. And I had nothing to offer.

I’m not going off on a stereotypical rant here, but when did he start watching football all religiously and I start not giving a shit? Again, I blame BlizzBeast 2011, the Thing That Should Not Be, which has made life miserable since February began.

As if February’s spelling wasn’t all stupid and French already, now it’s ruined thanks to snow. The Holofrost (I can’t take credit for that; I read it on Facebook) is still kicking my ass, and will continue doing it until Round 2 clears on Wednesday night, which will mean I have to stay at a HOTEL, away from my PRECIOUS DOG and CATS, so I can WORK, which I why I called the Ex-GH anyway, because he has to care for these poor defenseless animals in my absentia. But again, I’ve gotten tangential.

So I watched about a quarter of the Super Bowl, then had to forage for something to eat among my depleted cabinets… and I ended up making fried chicken. Yes, I know, it was hard times, huh… but I got all distracted in flour mixtures and iron skillets, and lost track of the game. Then the Packers and their foxy quarterback made it all boring by being so foxy and good, so I quit watching and turned the TV to “Big Love.”

I chose Bill Paxton over Aaaaaron Rodgers (he has too many extra letters, might as well add more) and Steelers coach Mike Tomlin, the foxiest brown man alive. OK, Benicio is hotter, but Mike is more brown. I love the spectrum of skin colors. It’s what makes me me! But Bill Paxton is not hot, and “Big Love” was recorded! What’s become of me?

But the Super Bowl is just so… overdone. And don’t get me started on that train wreck who sang the National Anthem. I think there should be a new rule. If your name is not Whitney Houston or Whitney Houston Jr., you don’t need to apply.

And if you’re WH Jr., you”ll still have to audition.

I kinda feel sorry for Fergie. I could hear her trying to sing over the obvious sound problems while my chicken was turning Golden Brown and Delicious. And I saw a few commercials. The Doritos one where the guy brings back his friend’s gramps was great.

So yeah, I saw all the really girly parts of the Super Bowl, which is kind of bizarre. Come to think of it, I only watched a few bowl games this year, and I have only watched about three quarters of hoops so far.

Could I be losing my sports edge?

I’m starting steroids. Tomorrow. If I can get out of my house.   Goddamned Snow/Mongorians.

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Filed under General Nonsense, Sports