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I suck at life.

I used to be such an organized person. Not annoyingly, anal-retentively organized, but organized enough that I could avoid having major utilities shut off once a week.

For the second time in two weeks, I’m without one of these major utilities. And I’m sitting at home, awaiting the gasman’s arrival. Oklahoma Natural Gas’s decision to turn off my gas this week — after I assumed I was on autopay and happy little dollars had been trickling out of  my account straight into the warm, cozy bellies of ONG’s banks — has proved chilly. The entire state seems to be in some sort of cold wave, odd for March, when Oklahoma starts getting its storm on. Instead, it’s in the low 40s and I haven’t had access to heat in two days. I really, really want to shower. I really would like for these folks to show up so I could stop gritting my teeth. They give you a nice 12-hour window for when they’ll show up. I’ve been waiting nearly three hours and I HAVE to go to work soon. Looks like I might be going to work filthy.

Last week, my electricity was shut off. That was totally my fault, but still, it was no fun.

I have a new job at the newspaper, and I’m terrified of screwing up. I’m not comfortable in it yet by any means, and my new boss (who is also my old boss) is someone I want to keep happy. I respect him to the point that he’s like Lt. Dan, and I “sure don’t wanna let him down.” I’m thrilled to have him as a supervisor again, but I feel like I’m seeking a perfection I just haven’t attained yet.

Maybe sitting around in a cold-ass house, stinky from lack of showering, is a lesson. It is the first full day of Lent. Maybe God wants me to get all my sacrificing out of the way in one fell swoop.

Doubtful. I’m still giving up fast food except one day a week.

Which brings me to Point 2: I had to break my Lenten vow already because I don’t have natural gas to heat my food. And all my food requires it. Because I’m now working 14-hour days instead of 12, I haven’t had time (or cash) to go to the grocery store. All I have at home is stuff that has to be cooked. So last night, I ate at Sonic. SONIC. Not just fast-food, but the worst fast-food imaginable. I’m not saying it wasn’t delicious, though, because it was. I nearly licked the container.

I just need a new routine to go ahead and get started. And I need this new routine to include a complete understanding of how bills work, and how if you don’t pay them, shit gets shut off.

I swear I used to have this down. And I also attest that I’m not huffing paint, gas, canned air or anything like that. Right now, all I’m huffing is shame. Cold, cold shame.

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Honeycomb’s Big (yeah-yeah-yeah!)

My boss doesn’t get me. Maybe no one does. This alarms me.

I just asked my boss, Mark, a great guy who I think of as a brother, if our section of the newspaper — the Scene, or entertainment section of the paper — was big tomorrow. And he said, “It’s not small.”

I stifled the urge to make a dirty joke, took the high road and went with the Honeycomb cereal joke. “Well, you know, Honeycomb’s big… yeah, yeah yeah. It’s  not small… no, no no” I said to him without singing (that would be unprofessional!) and he just looked at me, stonefaced.

He doesn’t get pop culture, and I’m OK with that. But the Honeycomb commercial? Who doesn’t know that?

I consider myself a Pop Culture Savant, since I remember years and years worth of songs, commercials and individual scenes from bad sitcoms, including those involving Boner from “Growing Pains” (may he rest in peace.) So yeah, maybe I’m judging my boss and all the others too harshly. Maybe I’M the one with the problem.

Could it be that this skill, or curse, of mine, this remembering of every level of useless data, isn’t translatable to normal human beings? Could I be just THAT big of a weirdo?

This reminds of a scene from “Freaks and Geeks.” Fuck. I am that weird.

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It’s the end of the Blizz as we know it

… and I feel FINE. Beyond fine, really. Drove home tonight after spending the night in the Hyatt Regency in downtown Tulsa due to the Winter Storm of Impending DOOOOOOM :O

The morning came too quickly after too many Stella Artois, but who’s counting? I was drinking on a weeknight! I am naughty!

I walked to work this morning in the blizzard. It was probably the coldest morning I’ve felt ever, but I didn’t really feel it because I was jacked up on coffee and eggs. We had breakfast at the hotel’s restaurant and I must’ve had me about 15 cups of coffee. I make my own coffee every morning, and it’s strong enough to skin a mule, so I don’t have to drink much. And there isn’t a guy bringing me more (I MUST work on that). I was in caffeine buzz heaven and I got a lot of shit done early.

It was fun getting out of my well-worn comfort zone. My former roommate, the Ex-Gay Husband, came by in the middle of the night to let Leon out to Do His Thang. That meant I didn’t come home to shitpiles! Hurrah! Despite my near-psychosis about leaving Leon alone, it all worked out. The cats did construct and detonate an atom bomb, but that’s not important right now.

I’m really stupid tired. But it’s a beautiful night here in T-Town. The sun shined for a few hours, though it’s colder than Billy Blue Blazes, as my mom used to say, but it’s nice to be home. I’m going to settle in with some somewhat homemade food, “Breaking Bad: Season 2” and my dog. Probably a few cats, too, though I don’t want them to watch “Breaking Bad.” I’m pretty sure Percy has his own meth lab in a shady corner of my garage. I started believing more today when I got home and there were several sets of tiny kitten tracks in the snow leading to my garage. My cats don’t go out — you tell me what’s going on.

I think life will start getting back to normal, so be prepared to read more posts borne out of boredom. They’ll probably be more structured, and contain more somewhat-real stories about my family, such as my brother-in-law Justin who adores Little People.

Peace out for tonight, homeslices, and stay warm, unless you’re in Florida (I’m talking to YOU, Natalie.) You guys can get sunburned for all I care. Motherbitches.

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