Category Archives: Haters

Why I didn’t watch the Royal Wedding

I didn’t watch  it, OK? That does not make me a love-hater, hater of love. My neglecting to watch the nuptials had nothing to do with any sort of anti-British mentality. I actually aspire to go to London first in my conquering (read: extensive tourism) of Europe. I plan to have a Joey-esque time the entire trip, shouting, “London, BABY!” as often and loudly as possible.

No, the reason I didn’t watch is was because it was broadcast too damn early and I work 12- to 14-hour days. I need sleep. Another reason? It was a wedding… a WEDDING. The wedding part would’ve been fine, I guess — one of my good friends says I should’ve watched because it cast my denomination, Episcopalian nee Anglican, in a good light. I can get behind that logic. But it had the feeling of an awards show, something else I seldom watch. I really just can’t stand all that fluff in a broadcast. I fast-forward the Oscars, or wait until the winners list is out. I just can’t do it.

Perhaps this has something to do with being an editor who’s had to cut plenty of stories to fit into tiny spaces. I can no longer tolerate deadwood. And the only opinions I care about are those of people I actually know. For instance, I will read a column by Tulsa World columnist Dave Sittler after an important game, among other local columnists. I will read post-game analysis by college football beat writers. I will read a Q&A with Carrie Underwood or Blake Shelton written by an Oklahoma writer. But to hear some ditsy entertainment reporter on any host of networks go on and on and on about hats, dresses, etc.? No thanks.

Have I gone hyper-local? Perhaps. About some things.

In the case of Osama bin Laden, I went international, even watching coverage from al-Jazeera.

But that was the death of the biggest fucking plague to walk the erf in the last few decades. Killed by US — that’s U.S., U-S, One Nation Under God. At that moment, I felt united.

Friends who watched the wedding told me they felt united with the world  during the ceremony — the millions of badly-dentistried Britains in the street, while 400 million or so had their  eyes turned mistily to the tube, watching as the lovely Kate was adored by her now-husband Prince William.

The beauty is not lost on me, but  watching 14 straight hours of coverage is. I recall watching Lady Diana and Prince Charles’ wedding. I was also 6, so my Princess Phase was in full swing. I grew out of that when my Barbies became sexually active, around the time I was 8 or 9.

And truth be told, I really loved Di. I thought she was immaculate. I think her sons are too, but maybe the wound of her death would’ve been too much for me. I cry a lot. I didn’t need my whole Friday wrecked because of the spectacle.

Friends in the newsroom told me that this was “their Super Bowl,” and if I didn’t watch, I wasn’t to make fun of those who did. And I’m not. Really. It just wasn’t for me. It wasn’t my Super Bowl, or college football national championship, or Final Four, or even Frozen Four.

Game 6 of just about any NBA playoff game? A random May Rockies game that magically appears on TV (it happens rarely; I never see Colorado on TV unless I’m at the World, where they have every channel known to man, or if the Rockies are in the playoffs and Big Sports is forced to air them) I’d watch any day of the week.

I’m still not getting up a 4 a.m. to watch, however. And my DVR space is important to me. Recording 137 straight hours of wedding coverage sounds like that time I accidentally recorded “Ghost Hunters” seven-hour Halloween special: Annoying and DVR-clogging.

I’m glad so many people witnessed the beauty and splendor of the wedding. But please, do not think of me as The Elephant Man because I didn’t. I am not an animal.

Perhaps I am a love hater, hater of love. Andre Benjamin? You might have to help me out with this one.

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Filed under Fun!, General Nonsense, Haters, Love, Newspapers, Relationships, Sports, Travel, Tulsa

Garish Confessions, embarrassing or otherwise: The Spanx Chronicles (and beyond)

These are my confessions, brought to you today by Usher.

I haven’t blogged in two weeks. That’s not a confession, just a fact I thought I’d bring up as to clear the elephants out of the room. Damn things are always getting caught under my couch.

So yes, on to the confessions.  Some are Girl Style confessions, and thus, the harder ones to admit. But in case any of you didn’t know this yet, I don’t really care about embarrassing myself. It’s freeing, really.

So here goes.

Spanx

Like youd wear them if you looked like this anyway.

1.   Spanx make me look fatter. I’m convinced. Last week, I bought this cute little shift dress at Ross’s dress sale. I loved the way it looked in the store dressing room, when I was Spanx-less. I thought, Spanx could only make it better! Monday morning, I got all dolled up, put on the ol’ Spanx and high heels and headed to work. During Job 1, I ran to the bathroom, and while toddling in on the high heels I’m going to finally remove from my closet, got a side view of myself. I’m not a thin girl. I know this. Right now, juggling two stressful jobs, I’m probably not losing any weight, either. But still, the side view of me was very unpleasant. I went to the stall, then came back out with my Spanx down around my legs. I liked the look much better. The Spanx basically pushed all my flawed areas (read: fat) to the front, instead of keeping them in their natural place. Alas, there is no miracle. I took my Spanx off, tucked them under my arm, walked past a tour group, and then put them in my purse. No more Spanx for me. I also took the high heels off and replaced them with the flip-flops I had in my purse. Unless important people walked by. I kept the heels at the ready all day in case I need to walk by a big boss’s office. Fashion sucks

I'm just waiting for this moment to happen. Is that Kate Moss in the picture?

Im just waiting for this moment to happen. Is that Kate Moss in the picture?

2.   I cut my own bangs. I’ve had really long hair since eighth grade, after the picture fiasco. I have naturally curly hair, and in my seventh grade school picture, a piece of my then-short hair decided to stand up and say hi to the photographer. My mother loved the picture and wouldn’t let me get retakes. (Love you and miss you mom, but REALLY?) So I had long hair forever afterward, and I have good hair, I don’t mind saying, so length was always important to me. Until last year. I had a Delilah moment and cut off all my own power. ALL my hair was gone. It was cute, but I regretted it as soon as I did it. In fact, everyone who said, “Your hair is so cute!” got this in return: “Thanks, I’m growing it out.” And I have been. Now, it’s at least below my ears. Nearly ponytail length. And I haven’t been to see Brooke the Magnificent (my hairdresser) since November. It’s nearly May. So my bangs have been trimmed a few times by me, sometimes well, sometimes shakily, as I normally trim them in the morning before being fully awake. Fortunately I have thick hair that can cover a variety of sins. But Lord help me if I accidentally take off a whole chunk. That’ll be seventh grade all over again.

3. I have some of the same clothes I had in junior high. I am not a hoarder, but clothes are different for me. If it still fits, has its original color, and might come back into fashion, I don’t see why I can’t save it. I have this black turtleneck my sister Natalie bought me for Christmas in 1987 that I still wear. I realize now that the shirt is older than most of our summer interns who’ll be coming to the paper this year. But it’s warm and still very dark black, so it passes the test. And it’s a turtleneck. You only wear those when you’re extremely cold anyway, right? And under something, right? Oklahoma was privy to its share of extreme cold this year, thus came out the turtleneck. And the flower-print Doc Martens from my hippie days. If I was Renae, one of main homegirls, I’d have thrown that shit out years ago. She throws away everything. It’s who she is, and I’ve come to accept it. Once she threw out my spare housekey I gave her in case I died and needed her to feed Leon. She threw it out because “she didn’t know whose it was.” Thanks. Now I know Leon will starve. But yes, I keep clothes longer than I should. And since I’ve basically been the same size/shape since 1987, it’s OK.

I still love him.

4. I still cheer for Tiger Woods. He’s this generation’s Bill Clinton, for whom I still cheer. Sorry, they’re both beyond great. I realize Tiger is a lousy husband. I realize Tiger is kind of weird and awkward. But he’s still Tiger Effing Woods, and he’s still amazing in nearly every way except his personal life. Remember when we didn’t care what athletes did in their spare time? Or actors, or anyone else? Remember when we focused on our own lives or maybe those in our community? I say we take that approach again. Joe Namath is an alcoholic, and he’s still a living legend. We forgive the older generations their faux pas because TMZ wasn’t following them around exacerbating them. So yes, I still love Tiger. Good luck this year, mate. Fuck ‘em if they can’t let your private life be private.

This idiot, Rick Sanchez, is one of the main reasons I quit watching 24-hour news.

This idiot, Rick Sanchez, is one of the main reasons I quit watching 24-hour news.

5. I quit watching 24-hour news in 2004. I realize I’m a newsperson and I should probably keep up. But working for a newspaper makes you realize a lot of truths about the industry: TV people are actors, who have a very small staff that trolls for news. Usually good-looking staffers. Newspapers are large-staffed, moderate-looking people who don’t worry about camera time. We’re the ones actually pounding the pavement and breaking stories. And with websites and an actual understanding of how they work, we’re proving it over and over again. I don’t watch the nightly news, or have the ticker on. Ever. And it’s freeing. If I want to read something, I seek it out myself. And since I work for a newspaper, it’s pretty easy to find! I suggest everyone give up the 24-hour news cycle, even ESPN. See if you really miss it.

I hope you enjoyed the Garish Chicken’s confessions. I guarantee you there will be more, since I am clearly the most ridiculous person alive.

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Filed under Brain Disorders, Fun!, General Nonsense, Haters, Love, Newspapers, Sports, Tulsa

The Tulsa World’s metered model: Quit hating and support your city

On Thursday, the World announced a metered model — not a paywall, all the web folks have told me — will go up on April 4. We’ve known it was coming in the newsroom, but we just announced it after some kinks were worked out.

Of course, this brought on tons of newspaper-bashing, which is to be expected, especially from bloggers and smaller papers who don’t bring in the kind of advertising volume that we do. The family who owns the World has owned it since 1917. That family has resisted the urge — like so many other newspapers couldn’t — to sell out to corporate newspaper conglomerates. They’ve remained in Tulsa. Yes, they’ve prospered, succeeded, but they’re an Oklahoma-based company, still in Oklahoma, still keeping our tax dollars in Tulsa.

Isn’t that the mission, the core, the foundation, for “Shop Local?” Isn’t that truly what “I Heart Tulsa” is all about?

Yet here come the haters. The same hippies (and I’m not bashing hippies, I spent 10 years in Tahlequah with REAL hippies) who print “I Heart Tulsa” on their foreign-made T-shirts and coffee cups are now calling for the World’s head because we have the audacity to try to make some money off of what we do. Let me ask you this — would you give your hemp bracelets away for free? Your objets d’art? Your vinyl collection? Your concert tickets? Your pointy-eyed glasses frames? Your skinny jeans? Your vitriol?

OK, backing off a bit — I understand, it’s hard to give something away for free for five years and then say, “Sorry, you gotta pay for this now.” But truly, it’s a quality product. It’s not the same as it was in 2005, and those who run the paper know it. We were part of the Wild West of the Web in 2005, scuttling around like tumbleweeds, trying to find our place. We learned a lot, and now we’re getting somewhere. We’re not perfect.

And the management of the World have made some strides within to ensure that it gets better. Our new news editor is probably the most committed, dedicated, progressive thinker I’ve ever known. We’re all operating under new guidelines, and it’s not the same World that it was even a month ago. Sure, I hate layoffs. I hate saying goodbye to friends and colleagues. But I have to hope — for the sake of my college degree, my future, the love of my career — that something’s going to work. I have to believe that people will realize that the printed word, printed either on paper or on a webpage, is necessary for quelling graft and corruption, giving parents something to be proud of when their kid is featured on a Scene or Sports page, or following up on business and commerce. I have to believe that what I went to college for, the craft I’ve spent all these years perfecting, is worth something.

If that makes me non-progressive in your mind, I’ll stay here in my rut. I’m getting older, and as much as I love free enterprise, peace and love and organic gardening, I know there are more important things in the world. That’s why I got into journalism. I also know that money is supposed to be earned, that what you do isn’t supposed to be given away for free. That’s capitalism. And it’s NOT why I got into journalism. It’s why people start newspapers. I can’t discredit them that.

Reading over blogs and comments on Facebook and our still-free site, you’d think we publish a high school newspaper. Someone on Facebook even said that (on the wall for This Land Press’s Facebook page, a really cool little publication that’s now just showing it hates the World… sad. I thought you were going to keep some credibility) high school newspapers were better.

Thanks, my college degree from Northeastern — another place that keeps its tax dollars in Oklahoma — thanks you for that. My 15 years experience thanks you for that. My 100 co-workers, many of whom have tons more experience, families, part-time jobs and mortgages — thank you for that. The minutes I wasted this week perfecting every sentence I came in contact with — guess that was a waste of time, since it’s not better than a high-school newspaper, eh? I wish you folks were a minority of thinkers. It’s really, really easy to bash a newspaper when you don’t even read it, isn’t it? When was the last time you actually read our product, dissenters? You get mad about something you read, or deem it “too hard” or “too time-consuming” and turn your back on a product that’s been around for 106 years? Who’s fault is that?

Do you realize when you’re insulting a newspaper, you’re insulting everyone in it? All those who’ve worked all these years to report the news, print the sections, ensure the color pictures look glossy and perfect every morning? Run the presses, sweep the floors, sell the ads, write the classifieds — A lot of people go into making a newspaper. And most of us are pretty blue-collar.

Guess what? It’s not an easy job. I’ve worked in news, sports and Scene. Sports is by far the hardest job. Because of our new strategies, my hours have changed again. We’re short-handed because of illness, the layoffs and other issues. I’ve worked the 4:30-1 a.m. shift the last two days, helping sports and news. Last night, I remembered the thrill of late-night deadline as I watched the final minutes of an Oklahoma City Thunder game. I was telling the guy in charge of sports, “You’re going to have to go without it. They’re going to take more than we have to finish this game.” It comes down to decisions made in 30 seconds. And you know why we waited? Because we wanted all our readers to know the final score. We pushed until the last moment we absolutely could, then when the game didn’t end, found another story, laid it onto the page, read it, cut it, put a headline on it, and a note apologizing for the Thunder score not being in the paper and to go to our website to find the score. In less than a minute.

If you don’t think we love our readers, you don’t know how  hard we work. I don’t claim overtime at the World. Some weeks are slow, and the grind isn’t as hard. I go home early some days. But mostly, I don’t. For example, during the NCAA Tournament, you bet I worked an 10 extra hours. That was a drop in the bucket compared to some.

I’m not saying, “Pity us for working hard.” I’m not saying you have to agree with the metered model. But you do have to understand that my newspaper is a Tulsa-based business, one that’s been around a lot longer than the current crop of downtown businesses, the ones who are finger-pointing the most. We have the potential of being partners with the younger crowd, if they’d get off their soapboxes and high horses long enough to play nice.

My question is this: Why wouldn’t you pay $12 or so to know what’s going on in your city? You say you want to make such an investment in it, help out one of its largest employers. Practice what you preach.

And get educated before you start saying everyone else isn’t as smart as you. Read the paper. See what we have to offer. If you have comments, want to tell us what we can do, CALL US. Let us know. We can’t make it better without some feedback. Get onto the World’s Facebook page and leave a comment. Don’t hide behind someone else’s page or anonymity. Ask for what you want, and we’ll try to give it to you. Don’t complain about the content if you haven’t made your voice heard.

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Filed under Haters, Newspapers, Paid content, Tulsa